So it's official. I'm going to UC San Diego. Who's coming with me?! :D What's your school, your major?

All right, so all of us intelligent, overachieving upperclassmen Bravo students know what time of the year it is: it's AP exam season. If I thought last year's exams came at a bad time, I had another thing coming: until you've been through the proverbial "worse," don't bitch about "bad." :p For the ultra-prepared, no-score-below-4 AP exam queen, that bummed me out majorly.

With both of my two exams on Wednesday and absolutely no study time in the preceding days (and with a terrible fever and head cold), I decided to take Tuesday off to finally do so. I focused mostly on statistics, as told by non-AP-specific library books, as I couldn't (and still can't) find my textbook. :( Around seven at night, however, I realized that I'd definitely need the textbook, so I asked Sally if I could bum hers. I relearned most of the stuff I'd already been taught, mostly focusing on probability in my sleepy stupor (which accounts for very little of the exam), and was incredibly depressed when it hit bedtime and I hadn't taught myself anything new.

After laying my head down at one in the morning, I tossed and turned and couldn't fall asleep the entire night. My heart was pounding, it was hard to breathe, and it was getting progressively harder not to cry. "Breaking the Habit" kept playing in my head, and I wondered if I'd done anyone wrong. The whole night I was cursing Fate for doing that to me, because standardized tests are my forte and they're the only grades that I take seriously (and, consequently, that are worth a grain of salt). I guess I must have intermittently slept, as there are some not-so-restless periods I can't account for, but I still "awoke" with the most depressed, pessimistic outlook on the exams. Because of my restlessness, however, I chose to stay lying down for a while after the alarm went off to energize myself for the day.

Unfortunately, when I sleep walked to the shower, it was broken or clogged or something. So I put dirty clothes onto a dirty Danielle with streaming tears of unprepared fright and headed for my eight-o'clock appointment with dread and doom themselves. (She's a poet and she doesn't even...need Ms. Jaqua for shit! haha Ooh, betcha didn't see that coming. :p)

So that's how Wednesday began. Upon getting to school, however, and very thankfully, my luck started to change, and I soon realized Fate's crazy plan for me. I was informed that us in Mr. Salas's class didn't have to start our exam until nine in the morning, which gave me an extra hour to study and Carlos an excuse to ditch first period to help me. :) At nine, then, I marched up to the library for the listening and reading portion of the AP Spanish Language exam.

The whole thing went surprisingly better than I'd expected. Aside from the fact that I didn't finish all the passages by far (what ever happened to variety, oh College Board?!), none of what I did complete was too difficult. The writing and speaking portion went much the same way, except for the damn interrupting bell. :p I didn't have much time to reflect, though, as I was whisked right away to test for AP Statistics.

Without my extra hour of study time in between, I was feeling a bit screwed. As it turned out, though, all of the stuff I studied...was all of the stuff on the exam! Probability was a major component this year, whereas the higher forms of inference were oddly and unwontedly sparingly included. I finished the multiple choice section with fervor and confidence and then trudged back up to the library for the free response part...which, like its counterpart, was largely comprised of things I actually knew and understood. :)

Overall, I'm hoping for a 3 or 4 in Spanish, and somewhere between a 3 and a 5 for Statistics. Pray for me, guys! :)

Oh, and some more philosophy to follow my grand story:

Do you, like me, get premonitions that don't engender? Is this proof of a Fate in action, a different kind of Fate than ever we thought to exist? Is this a divine creature sitting at a loom, in current times, weaving our predestination as we live, such that there is the factor of planned fate, but such that our destiny is also what we make of it?

I have this strange ability to see, feel, and understand things I've never knowingly, and sometimes possibly, seen, felt, or been able to understand. I can feel the facial expression on someone's face, but I can even feel what many things would be like if I had a penis. (I know it sounds weird, and I can't explain it, but what I describe having felt is usually accurate.)

Sometimes I have paranoid-ish premonitions: I'm sure things are going to turn out one way, and they turn out another. I wonder to myself if, in some alter universe, my premonition was true, and if it was supposed to be true in ours. If so, Fate is constantly weaving her loom, and the destiny that we make for ourselves and the destiny she sets out for us play off each other, neither one more dominant.

Opinions?

Oh yeah, and happy nine months, love. :)

Riding the USC tram - company - the inspiration to read + my innate oddity = random thoughts for your philosophical reading enjoyment. :)

Has anyone seen the series finale of Sabrina? Where Harvey and Sabrina's soulmate rocks fit perfectly together?

Have you ever found one single person who honestly fits into all of your crevices, every last one of them, fills you completely?

I think that all of our rocks ~ or most of them at least ~ have their respective pair at the beginning, during the stage of naivity and utopia, but as we go through life, our experiences beat at the slightly malleable rockflesh, conforming it into, ultimately, an altogether different shape than the form in which it began. Oftentimes, as she will, Fate has planned for this, has made certain that our rock will be of a certain form at the particular time we find its mate...but sometimes, we're so bent and broken that no longer a mate exists.

Elias is weird. I like him, but he's weird. :p He tortures me with that damn lighter, gets good pleasure out of it, and in all my frightened shock, all I can do is smile and laugh. I guess I just like weird people, and even more, I like to do my part to make them happy. And a smile is a far cry from that ever so depressing grimmace that trapped and tortured me...

I have a craving for punjabi, for hip-hop, for dancing. Take me out...

< + DET0UR: PR0M + >

Lots of pictures of me on prom night.

The funniest picture in all of existence. (And also from prom.)

Greg and I at our prom. :)

Oh cuteness.

Oh Xanga, I know you've been phased out by LiveJournal and DeadJournal and MySpace and the like. And oh Xanga, I know you're only a fad for eleven-year-old Korean girls nowadays. But oh Xanga, I've grown accustomed to your face...

I've been feeling very trapped lately: like I have so much to say and no one to say it to. I want to cry, I want to scream, I need to vent. Let's see if you work, old friend. I'll try not to censor myself for the sake of my public...my feelings, at least, if not my thoughts. :)

As far as news, I went to Greg's house last weekend for his birthday. :) I'm no longer a pedophile for four months...and then I become one legally. Well, statutory rapist. :b Apparently he liked his card so much he's gonna "keep it forever"...probably with the Valentine's card I made him that sits atop his dusty television all by its lonesome. I wish I could've made his birthday as special as he made mine, but I didn't, and then my mom fucked it up even worse. I think Aaron's car made it an okay day for him regardless. :)

The next noteworthy day was Wednesday, the Day of Silence. Ten or so people participated with me, despite Britney and Desiree "forgetting" :p and Michelle suddenly having polar philosophical convictions. Nonetheless, read my flyer! And note that flyer does not equal sign. :)

In observance of the Day of Silence, I will not be speaking today.

The Day of Silence takes place yearly in honor of those who have been silenced ~ whether by "choice" because of oppression, or by force due to hate crimes. While so-called "minorities" ~ queers (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender, intersex, and questioning individuals), Latinos, African-Americans, women, etc. ~ continue to contribute handsomely to society, prejudicial beliefs still exist against them.

Without the Native Americans, the world would not have barbeque sauce. Without the Russian immigrant Nikolai Tesla, your radio wouldn't have an FM dial. Without Rosalind Franklin, Watson and Crick could never have discovered the structure of DNA.

Please remember these facts (and research more!), and respect my decision to participate in the Day of Silence.

After all that excitement, it was nearing prom time. Apparently LAUSD has an I'm-a-homeless-Cinderella program which I reaped many benefits from: a kickass medeivel-ish dress and matching shoes, crystal jewelry, a purse, and even a new pair of glasses. :D Sidenote to Juan: I am so taking you to the fashion district! Knowing you, we won't ever leave either. :p

So after two days of shopping and a day full of hair and nail appointments, Saturday finally came, and it brought the prom with it. Two and a half hours late and with Greg in a terrible disposition, we finally made our entrance. People making Jack Osbourne comments left and right and me leaving him every two seconds didn't help either, but I think dancing cheered him up considerably. ;) Not that we got to dance for too long. :/ And not that that didn't stop the chisme. >_O

By the end of the night, I had eaten well (hey, that food was good, and expensive), Greg had eaten nothing, and I had seen most of the people I was interested in seeing ~ not that I got to hang out with anyone. :/ I also took a couple picture and a group picture of twelve people, although I can't remember with who. :b I didn't go to any after parties, but after much begging and pleading, crying and yelling, my mom let me sleep over at Greg's. I suppose overall the night was all right, but I have so many regrets, there are so many things I would do differently... I wish I could live the whole experience all over again, and do it right this time.

This week itself has had its ups and downs I guess. Although I was supposed to accompany Dr. Pace on Monday's Macbeth trip, I wasn't allowed to, and after I had gotten all dressed up. :( Yesterday, Deidre took me to Operation: School Bell, and this time, I had a pretty good experience and got some pretty nice stuff. :) Sally and I shared a honeydew slush boba after school. *drool* And a nice Armenian man gave me a genocide bracelet today (pupulica hetevitasa lol).

As for college news, I wound up getting into all four UCs I applied to, but of the five privates, only Boston University accepted me, and only essentially conditionally. (Who knew you could correctly string so many adverbs?) I've narrowed it down to UC Irvine and UC San Diego. UCI has yet to give me my financial package, but UCSD's is quite handsome. Over one-third free tuition (et al) via university grant, and overall, less than $3500 worth of loans to pay back and work for ~ over $17,500 in grant money. :) Anyone got any advice? Anyone going to either?

The home situation hasn't brightened quite so much, so I'll leave you with... In other news, Carlos and I are both terrible, terrible people who should baffle Minos, go to a newly pronounced fifteenth level of Hell (is his tail long enough?), and get laughed at by Satan's feet for all of eternity. heh

Now go do your homework, kiddies. ^_^